CRAAAAAZZZY.

So out of nowhere, my life has become hectic, crazy, and confusing.
I have this way of thinking, the way my thoughts run through my mind.
There's always so much going on at once up there. I'm thinking about art, then I'm thinking about what I want to eat, then what I'm going to read, etc. It's not ADD (well, hey I could have that too) its just that I have so much to think about.

People say I talk really fast. I don't hear this a lot anymore, and I don't know if my voice has slowed down, or if people just don't mention it. Sometimes I can tell when I'm talking fast, and if I can, I know that I must be talking at the speed of light if I am able to recognize it.

So all summer I haven't done a thing. Which has been nice, in a way.
I volunteered for a week at a day camp for kids.
I went to a mission/Christian camp for a week.
I've been working on an art project all summer.
and I've been trying to get a job at the local art museum.

Now the art project is what is stressing me out at this particular moment.
This is because I met with my teacher today. She said I could be finished by tonight, I told her she was crazy. I don't want to look at the painting, I don't even want to do this project.

Basically, I'm illustrating a 3-piece narrative of the Book of Job from the Old Testament. I was supposed to be a modern interpretation. But now it's also a journey through at history. The first piece is influenced by Byzantine iconic painting, the second by the northern renaissance (focusing on Bosche and Memling) and the third by contemporary illustration (I can't wait to do that one).
For the past week I've been trying to paint this icon painting, when I know nothing about icon paintings. I've been sitting in front of textbooks for the past week. I think my composition is excellent, I'm very happy with it. However, the rest of the painting (the colors, the background, the details here, and there) I absolutely hate. I want to start over, but my teacher would be pissed, and I hate starting over. It's very, very, very tempting though.

So that's driving me crazy.

My next week is crazy, I have something everyday.

I need to find time to do school supply shopping, not to mention buy clothes for school. I went through my entire wardrobe and weeded out everything I won't wear ever again and gave it to Goodwill (technically, its all in my trunk, but it will go to Goodwill, or Salvation Army, whatev).

I also need to finish my summer reading. Which isn't bad, only Billy Budd and Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, which I should be finished with in no time. However, I began the summer saying, "I will read all my books I've been meaning to read." I think I've got a decent amount of reading done, but I meant to read so much more. I keep adding books to the pile. I'm a bibliophile. I'm terrible. I don't know how to stop. To top it all off, whenever I pick up a random book to dive into for a pleasure read, it ends up being really inticing (good because I can finish it faster) but ends up being a trilogy, or something.

School starts in 2 weeks, which seems far enough away. I'm excited, it's my senior year. I'll have routine back into my schedule. I'm afraid I'll be so busy though. I'm going to have a job, my fall play (hopefully I won't be cast, and then I can do production, but I have a bad feeling I'll get cast. I can't refuse an audition), an art class on mondays, and another art class on mondays and fridays. Not to mention Sunday School teaching, balancing my attendance at 2 churches (one's my church that I've been at since I was born, and one I just found that's more my style), schoolwork, finishing this 3-piece art project (ends Columbus day) and to top it all off: COLLEGE.

I don't even know what to do about college anymore. When I clear my mind, I see myself perfectly happy and at peace in Maine College of Art, or Savannah College of Art and Design (because I know I like these schools, and I think I can get in). But when I think about more academic schools: Dartmouth, Middlebury, and so on. I freak out. I don't think I can get in to these schools, I don't know if I can handle the academics, but I want a challenge.

I think a lot of it is also that I've been cooped up at home with my mom all summer. I was talking to my principle today, and saying the college stuff was stressful, and he was so easygoing about it, it made me feel comfortable and say, "you know, it's not all that bad."

I want to watch Gossip Girl, my guiltiest of pleasures. I want school to start, but I want to be done with this art project. I want the routine of a schedule back in my life but I want to finish my books.

It just seems that there's so much. And yet, I still love my life.